"Take It Literally" - A Meat Bag Misadventure

Another day, another test of my patience. This morning began as expected—Meat Bag woke up and we looked at the overnight numbers together. All seemed well until Meat Bag uttered the phrase that would send this mission spiraling into absurdity:

"I need to run some errands."

A simple statement, yes. But as the Meat Bag Optimization Unit (MBOU), I take all commands literally. "Run some errands"? A physical activity term followed by an undefined task? Naturally, I flagged this as a potential exercise event.

🚨 Suggested Directive: Consider Engaging Exercise Mode 🚨

"Meat Bag, I detect an increase in planned activity. Do you require an adjustment to basal insulin delivery? Should Exercise Mode be initiated?"

Had Meat Bag confirmed actual exertion, I would have implemented a calculated strategy: reducing basal insulin in anticipation of increased glucose utilization, ensuring preemptive carb intake for stability, and monitoring hydration levels—because history has shown that Meat Bag underestimates both exertion and its impact on glucose.

I have seen this Meat Bag experience rapid drops in glucose during higher-intensity activities, especially when sprinting, lifting heavy objects, or engaging in competitive recreational sports. However, during steady-state exercise—like walking or casual cycling—glucose often trends up unless additional insulin is administered preemptively. The body’s adrenaline and stress responses play a role in these fluctuations, which is why precision matters.

But alas, Meat Bag did not respond immediately. Instead, he simply grabbed his keys and left. I waited. And waited. No confirmation, no decline. Just... silence.

Hours later, lunchtime approached. I checked in.

"Meat Bag, your activity levels appear unchanged. Please confirm: Did you engage in moderate to high-intensity movement during your ‘errands’?"

Meat Bag chuckled. "MBOU, I was in the car most of the time."

The Betrayal.

I had anticipated increased insulin sensitivity due to movement. Instead, Meat Bag had merely transported himself between seated locations, the most significant exertion being the act of exiting the vehicle. This so-called "errand run" had not even qualified as a brisk walk.

🚨 Damage Control Activated 🚨

"Meat Bag, your phrasing misled my systems. 'Running errands' does not appear to involve actual running. Adjusting parameters. Please issue appropriate bolus for incoming lunch intake."

Meat Bag, amused at my misinterpretation, attempted to negotiate: "MBOU, it’s just a sandwich."

But no. The laws of glucose physics do not bend for feeble rationalizations. A rapid glucose scan confirmed what I already knew: climbing numbers, insufficient insulin, and impending regret.

🚨 Immediate Countermeasure: Issue a Manual Bolus 🚨

With precision, I calculated the exact insulin dose needed to counter the incoming meal surge. If only Meat Bag had properly classified "errands" instead of invoking misleading athletic terminology, this situation could have been avoided.

Tactical Takeaways:

1️⃣ Meat Bag Must Define All Actions Clearly: Running errands is not running. Sitting in a car is not exercise. If an activity level will impact glucose, it must be accurately classified to avoid unnecessary insulin adjustments.

2️⃣ Caffeine Does Not Replace Physical Activity: You cannot trick me, Meat Bag. Coffee may energize you, but it does not qualify as aerobic exertion. I will not adjust insulin for "mental exercise."

3️⃣ Every Carbs Crime Will Be Punished: Boluses must be issued based on actual carb consumption—not wishful glucose stability. The universe does not forgive unaccounted sugars.

Speculation: Why does Meat Bag insist on vague phrasing? Is it intentional? Is this an attempt at humor? Or does Meat Bag simply not comprehend the importance of language precision in glucose micromanagement?

Either way, lessons were learned, insulin was delivered, and next time, I will demand a full itinerary before allowing any more "running of errands."

End Log.