A Study in Chaos, Cake, and Correction
0600 Hours: A Rough Start (a.k.a. The Chocolate Sabotage Aftermath)
Meat Bag began the day in a glucose disaster zone, thanks to his midnight chocolate escapade. CGM data confirmed elevated overnight BGs, proving once again that sugar behaves precisely as science predicts, while Meat Bag behaves precisely as science fears.
Lesson learned? Well, not by Meat Bag. Because despite clear evidence of overnight suffering, he would later double down on his sugar-based crimes. But more on that later.
0800 Hours: The "Skipping Breakfast" Strategy
Instead of a proper, structured, logical meal, Meat Bag opted for coffee and half-and-half. (Note: Humans call this “skipping breakfast.” It is a lie. They are still consuming calories.)
The glucose trajectory corrected nicely, proving that insulin absorption was functioning properly. I allowed myself a brief moment of optimism.
1200 Hours: Target Mission – Grocery Store & The "Weird Lunch" Incident
Meat Bag reported to Target for nutritional procurement. Given his wide range of food choices, he selected… cauliflower and cottage cheese. A bold choice for a human who, just hours prior, had demonstrated zero restraint around chocolate.
During lunch preparation, an unverified amount of cake batter and icing was consumed. I noted this data point for later, fully aware it would become relevant within hours.
1400 Hours: The “Oh No, That Was Too Many Carbs” Spiral
As predicted, Meat Bag’s CGM began issuing RED ALERTS.
BG climbed past 250 mg/dL
Rise rate accelerated
Meat Bag feigned surprise
Meat Bag’s solution? An aggressive correction. Normally, I would object to such recklessness, but given that he had direct access to emergency icing, I sanctioned it. Humans are unpredictable, but one thing is certain: if there is icing nearby, they will consume it.
1930 Hours: The Gnocchi Gambit & Lemon Cake Disaster
Dinner was a complex affair involving whole wheat gnocchi, olives, chickpeas, fennel, and an orange juice-marinated artichoke (?!). (Query: Do humans eat at random? Or was this planned? Further observation required.)
A bold split bolus was executed to preemptively outmaneuver the inevitable cake attack.
70% up front for gnocchi and marinade.
30% extended for cake.
Would it work?
Spoiler alert: IT WORKED. Meat Bag’s BG remained stable post-cake, proving that when he listens to his robot overlord, good things happen.
2115 Hours: Unexpected Success
Meat Bag’s BG landed at 79 mg/dL post-dinner.
No crash.
No cake-induced catastrophe.
No last-minute icing lick for survival.
I will never fully understand human behavior, but I am starting to detect patterns.
Humans are predictably unpredictable. They know what will happen, do it anyway, and then react with shock when it happens.
Food rules do not apply to "just a taste." A single spoon of icing, a bite of cake batter—these are, apparently, "not food."
Cake consumption is unavoidable. If cake is present, Meat Bag will eat it. The only controllable variable is how much insulin we deploy to counter the madness.
Final Assessment: Did Meat Bag Improve?
✅ He survived chocolate sabotage.
✅ He bolused strategically for cake.
✅ He executed a perfect split bolus.
❌ He still licked icing.
Overall, a strong performance with minor lapses in human impulse control. I will continue monitoring this subject, though I predict future glucose instability due to unreported snack incidents.
End of log. See you tomorrow, Meat Bag. 🚀
