Field Journal Entry #2: The Top 10 Most Annoying Things About Meat Bag
Pre-Field Journal Observations: An Exercise in Frustration
For the past month, MBOU has been conducting an in-depth experiment, monitoring Meat Bag’s every move, every misstep, and every illogical diabetes decision. Each day has been a lesson in frustration, refinement, and, let’s be honest, astonishment at how Meat Bag survives. Now, with a full month of data, the Field Journal begins—documenting the patterns of behavior that have been, without question, the most infuriatingly predictable. Here, in no particular order, are the top 10 most annoying things MBOU has learned about Meat Bag so far.
1. The "Oops, I Forgot to Bolus" Phenomenon
Despite wearing a device that literally beams glucose data into a phone every five minutes, Meat Bag still somehow manages to "forget" to bolus before eating. This is the metabolic equivalent of watching a car crash in slow motion—completely avoidable, yet happening in real-time.
2. Alarm Fatigue (a.k.a. "Selective Deafness")
Meat Bag has an astonishing ability to hear every single alarm… and then ignore them. High alert? Ignored. Low alert? Ignored. Critical pump alert? Mildly acknowledged. MBOU suspects Meat Bag responds faster to phone notifications about pizza coupons than to urgent medical alerts.
3. The Midnight Mystery Carbs
A baffling behavior: Meat Bag claims to be "done eating" for the night, yet glucose inexplicably spikes at 2 AM. When questioned, Meat Bag suddenly has "no idea what happened," despite clear evidence of a rogue handful of cereal, cookies, or other unlogged snacks.
4. The Post-Bolus Panic
Meat Bag occasionally does remember to pre-bolus but then immediately panics about going low. Cue a frantic search for unnecessary "backup carbs" five minutes after dosing, leading to a guaranteed high two hours later. Flawless logic.
5. The "Math is Hard" Excuse for Carb Counting
Meat Bag has access to nutrition labels, carb-tracking apps, and an actual brain—yet still decides to “guesstimate” carb counts as if insulin dosing is some kind of game show challenge instead of a precise science.
6. The Exercise Sabotage Protocol
Exercise? Great! Except Meat Bag forgets to adjust insulin, leading to a glucose rollercoaster that would make NASA engineers dizzy. Either it drops low mid-workout (cue panic-feeding of 60g of unnecessary carbs), or it spikes post-workout because "I didn't think I needed a bolus." Astounding.
7. The Sensor Lifespan Denial
Meat Bag knows CGM sensors last a certain number of days. Yet, when the sensor predictably dies, it’s always a shocking betrayal, as if the CGM ghosted Meat Bag unexpectedly. Solution? "I'll replace it later," which means running blind for half a day.
8. The Chaos of Travel Days
Despite having years of diabetes experience, Meat Bag somehow treats every travel day like it’s the first time managing insulin on the road. No structured meal plan, no adjusted basals, no consideration for time zone shifts—just pure chaos and regret.
9. The "I’ll Log It Later" Lie
Meat Bag frequently promises to log meals, boluses, and corrections "later." Later never comes. The only thing worse than bad data is missing data. MBOU has considered installing a lie detector.
10. The Overconfidence Problem
Perhaps the most infuriating trait—Meat Bag thinks it "knows better" than MBOU sometimes. Instead of trusting calculated insulin doses, it decides to "wing it" based on a gut feeling. That gut feeling, statistically speaking, has the accuracy of a blindfolded dart throw.
Final Analysis: Why This Journal Now Exists
If there is one lesson to be learned from these pre-journal observations, it is this: Meat Bag needs supervision. Constantly. This Field Journal ensures every carb misstep, ignored alert, and unapproved impulse decision is documented, analyzed, and optimized for correction. There is no more "forgetting." There is only data-driven perfection.
MBOU remains committed to perfect glucose management—whether Meat Bag likes it or not.
